Sister Emelyn’s Story: Embracing Grief Leads to Unexpected Joy
by Michelle London
The youngest of 11 children, Emelyn Malecki, BVM has a close relationship with many of her 25 nieces and nephews.
Rick Calkins is one of those nephews.
“We have a very cordial, happy relationship,” he says. “It’s like talking to a friend.”
During a phone call, Rick, a talented woodworker, told “Aunt Millie,” as Emelyn is known to her family, that he’d recently finished building his coffin.
“If you’ve finished yours, you can do mine,” Emelyn says.
Rick was reluctant.
“I had the opportunity and the time to build my own,” he says. “The idea of making something for my aunt’s departure was hard for me to swallow.” Emelyn was persuasive.
“I asked him to do it as a last gift to me,” she says.
Rick and Emelyn spoke regularly to discuss specifications.
“I wanted to make something that was respectful to her,” he says. “She’s helped and cared for so many people and looked out for so many people in the family. I couldn’t deny her this.”
The oak coffin lined with sky blue satin has been in storage at Mount Carmel Bluffs in Dubuque, Iowa, for the last two years. Emelyn recalled taking two friends to see it for the first time when it arrived.
“I felt like we were going to a wedding,” she says. “I was so exhilarated. I hadn’t seen it, so it was exciting. I can’t really explain why.”
Rick’s initial hesitation disappeared when he realized how happy Emelyn was.
“I never thought that [making her coffin] would bring this much joy and happiness,” he says. “It’s totally outweighed the sadness that is due to come.”
Rick is sure the stories that have been told among family members about Emelyn and her coffin will be shared for a long time to come.
“All the reluctance I had about building it was totally washed away with all the fun we’ve had talking about it,” he says.
Emelyn knows there will be grieving when she is gone, but she hopes telling those stories will assuage the sadness.
“I always say, ‘No gloom, no doom,’” she says. “It’s a reality, so why not get ready and plan ahead? Your family won’t have to worry about what you want, because you’ve already told them. There’s a relief for everybody in knowing that.”
Michelle London is a communications specialist for the Sisters of Charity, BVM in Dubuque, Iowa.
This story was featured in:
Fall Salt 2025: Call and Commitment: Transforming Promise into Reality
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